Sunday, January 26, 2014


I'm really not sure where this is going to go...just felt the urge to be in front of the computer.  

Let me start off with the Chrysalis camp was amazing!  I touched on it the other day but this "Flight" was by far the best one I've ever been involved with.  The "caterpillars" (campers) were all so open to what was going on around them.  I had one small incident where I needed to ask one to put her phone away, she was texting her boyfriend, who was on the boy's side, during talks. The rule used to be no electronics at the camp, period.  They have relaxed it and said they can only use them at the end of the day.  The boy's table leader came to me and told me he'd seen the texts coming from her.  He said he confiscated the boyfriend's phone.  I went to the girl's table leader and told her, she didn't want to take it away, didn't want to mess up the already precarious trust thing that was just starting, so she told the director.  The director said she didn't want to so they asked me to handle it.  I just went up to her on one of the breaks, pulled her far off to the side and told her I was aware that she'd been texting, reminded her that she wasn't supposed to have it.  I gave her the option of putting it in her suitcase or giving it to me but told her if I did see it in her hand during the talks and day that I would have to take it.  She promised to put it away and she even hugged me at the end of the camp, thanking me for being so understanding.  That was the only thing that had to be addressed!  The closing was so touching as the new "Butterflies" gave a testimony one by one, I knew the Holy Spirit was at work, could feel it, but WOW!  I'm building a list of girls I am going to ask to work this summer/fall flight. I'm beginning to get so excited!

Now, as I've mentioned a few weeks ago, when we do the Lord's work the enemy is not happy and will throw all kinds of obstacles in our path.  Guess I've already ticked the devil off because that's just how life goes, my child support is on hold.  My ex husband got hurt, not at work but is off work for 8 to 10 weeks.  He promised to make sure I got support.  I did not get any this week.  That support buys groceries, puts gas in the van, buys the odds and ends the girls need.  We've gone all week with just the food we have here, and that's running very low.  I get a text from him yesterday telling me he won't be sending anything, he "can't" take it out of his checks and that I better hold on to my income tax to use.  He says his wife said she'd help if it came to that.  His wife makes very, very good money, but I don't know their finances.  I asked him to at least send half of what I normally get so I can buy food.  He will no longer respond to any texts, and I will not text him again. I will be calling the State's Attorney that handles my case to find out what can be done.  But I did have to do something that I do not like to do, ask for help.  I know it's pride and we all know what the Bible says about I prayed, humbled myself before God and reached out to some very good friends of mine that live 25 miles away that have a church that has a food pantry.  My sweet friends jumped at the chance to help and will come to me tomorrow with their contribution of food.  

God put this couple in my life through a church that I used to go to and I was helping for their Easter pageant, even though I'd began going to another church.  We struck up an immediate friendship, along with his mother.  We've maintained this friendship for 3 years, I've sponsored his daughter for Chrysalis and while I'm not sure she got as much out of it as others, she did enjoy herself.  He and his wife have prayed me through some tough times with my son.  He is so much like my brother that I just call him my brother from another mother!  God works and weaves us in and out of each others lives, I stand in awe.

People wonder why I won't go to my boyfriend for money or food, he has his own things to deal with and I swore to never use him like that.  We have helped each other in the past, when he's had extra he's bought things for me, when he was in a bind and I had extra, I've helped him.  We keep no record but right now things are tight for both of us.  I have his strength to lean on and his prayers.  I have not yet told him how dire we are right now, he will feel helpless and I won't do that to him.  He is a wonderful man, many have taken advantage of his giving nature.  I will not do that to him.  

We are all God's people, a huge, enormous family.  As Ted has said, he can't wait to get to heaven to see everyone living together, no denominations separated off here and there, just believers, together, worshiping, loving each other.

My faith will not be shaken.  The enemy does his best to test me, make me doubt but I will not give in.  My verse I fall back to is always John 10:10  The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

So that's where this post went.  I unburden myself of these thoughts, these worries.  I will not worry, I will not stress, I leave it ALL in God's hands!

Philippians 4:6-7

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.


Friday, January 24, 2014

Highs & Lows

I found this post on another blog, and I used to do something similar before so I'll do this now:

The low of my week, no child support = no grocery shopping and a very annoyed 14 yr old daughter (she thinks I'm made of money, not sure how she came to that idea!)

The high of my week was Chrysalis, hands down!  This past weekend was the church camp that I have been blessed to be involved with since Jan. 2010.  This was the best flight I've been on by far!  To see young adult lives changed, to see them filled with God's love, I'm awestruck!  I've been chosen the next Lay Director for the girls side come Labor Day.  I have some praying to do to put this team together.

The best money I spent well, no money has been spent this week so far, nothing to spend!

My plans this weekend giving my house a thorough cleaning, start packing to downsize, hopefully take pictures of things to sell on FB or Craigslist, then spend time with Ted while he's home.

How was your week? What are you up to this weekend?


Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Is this not just the honest truth?  I am absolutely this person.  It used to confuse the man I'm dating quite often when I'd just switch a topic mid stream, but now he's got used to it.  Actually he even just chuckles when we'll be out with his son somewhere and I'll rabbit trail off and his son will say "WHAT?".  Ted will say, just roll with it son, that's how her mind works.

But we women almost have to be this way, don't we?  We juggle just so much, children, households, jobs, church activities, children's extra curricular things, aging parents, paying bills.  I'm a single mother so it seems like my mind is constantly going in a million different directions at any given moment.

"Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10)

How often do we do this?  Are there enough hours in the day to "be still"?  God doesn't want to be penciled in, if you can fit him in.  He wants us to make him our top priority.  

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” 

I don't know about you but I need my alone time with God.  I've learned that the best time for me is morning, after I've woke, stretched, got the sleep out of my eyes.  Usually it's right before I get out of bed.  Sometimes I'll read quite a bit in my devotional and bible, sometimes just a little, but ending it in prayer is what gets my day going, gets me pumped for my day.

This is a year of changes, I can feel it, I already see it happening.  We have to find a new church home.  There's change #1.  I've been voted as the Girls Lay Director for the next church camp to take place over the Labor Day Weekend.  That will entail a lot of prayer and getting on my knees.  And we all know how much the devil loves to mess with us when we are doing God's work.  We have to move soon, a smaller place is a must so I have packing to start.  Megan will graduate and move, Rachel will probably be getting married this Fall. Those are just a few of the changes I already know of, not counting the ones that will just jump up at me.

But I do know this, that I truly can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  Philippians 4:13.  With God there, by my side, with my Christian family, friends, with Ted in my life...I have some mighty prayer warriors!  Our God is so good!

Prayers for you and yours...and Blessings!


Monday, January 13, 2014


What a long, busy weekend!  It was my birthday weekend, but you know, it's not really so much of a big deal to me anymore, just a day.  I don't hide my age, am proud of my 48 years on this earth.  God's got me through so many things, has introduced so many people into my life, some were good, some were there for me to learn lessons from, good and bad.  Some are no longer around, some are on the outskirts and then there are those that are as important as the air I breathe.

Saturday was the youngest's dance competition.  I was bummed because she didn't get to dance due to being off with a foot injury for 2 months, but she has been practicing with the team again and will compete this weekend.  Now this weekend I cannot be there to watch her compete, am working the church camp and have to be there as it was committed to before we found out the date of the competition.  But we were there Sat., myself and middle daughter, oldest daughter was at the last meeting for the church camp to give her talk and be critiqued.  Youngest daughter's team did well, need to tweak a few things but I think that this weekend it will be even better and I am praying they qualify for State Competition.  I wasn't very frugal on Saturday between gas for the van, food while we were there, and I did buy youngest daughter a dance shirt.  I get her one a year, this one is black, had the graphic of the contest they were at and on the back they put on a decal about dance.  We ate on the way home too so, yeah, I went thru $60 on Sat., sigh.

Sunday was my birthday.  We, well Ted and I, decided not to attend the last church service.  We are really struggling with the way things were handled by the outgoing minister, still.  We opted to church at home.  He had some things to do to replace the water lines under his house that ruptured last week during the intense cold spell, and I stayed home to putter about, made a cake, cleaned here and there, folded clothes.  We did, the girls and Ted and I, met up with my oldest daughter for my birthday supper.  Oldest daughter was going to treat but he stepped in and paid ahead of her.  It was a fun meal, the girls were all goofy and had fun hanging out with their oldest sister.  With her no longer living at home they miss her, so do I.  He just sits back and laughs, chuckles at them, throws in a zinger or two and they run with it.  Oldest girl went her way, we went to Menards to get a few more supplies for his water line project and we lost the two younger girls.  They were in the door section of Menards making Vine videos.  I have to admit, one of them was pretty funny.  We dropped them off at home, I went back to his house to help finish up the water project, well, at least to finish getting the bathroom water lines all hooked up.  Froze my butt off helping Sat night, was there till 1:30 am Sun. morning.  Then we worked another hour and a half Sunday but he stopped and said enough.  We had time to sit and really talk about this, that and the other.  I knew he was tired and really wanted a hot shower now that he had the shower line hooked up so we said goodnight.  I miss him as he works so far away.  Weekends fly by.

Now that my birthday has come and gone I've decided to really work on myself.  I've let myself become complacent, not really pushed to try to lose a little more weight, which will ultimately help my back issues.  So I did get a really good haircut last week.  Tomorrow night I'm getting highlights done, for $10 from my friend's daughter!  After this weekend I start my reclaiming my body.  It's healthy eating, going for walks, working on being fit.  Yes, I do want to lose 40 lbs, I truly do, but being healthy is first and foremost on my heart.  I want to live a long, and productive life.  I know there is a ministry out there that God has earmarked just for me and I want to be able to pursue that ministry to the best of my ability!

In my prayer time I've heard the Holy Spirit tell me, the time is here, study the word deeper, start getting in there and really dig, research, proclaim it!  God wants me to start preparing for my ministry, now is the time!
I don't know yet when He wants me to start actually doing, but I'm confident that He will make it happen when the time is right.  The one thing I really have to do is let go of this hurt and anger I feel about the church matter that just happened and let God take care of it.  My resentment was really starting to get to me but the other night as I sat in prayer I felt my shoulders ease, the tension lift some, and know the Holy Spirit was helping my heart and soul heal.  Those that were involved, they have to make peace with God about what has happened, it is not for me to point fingers and badmouth.

I am an imperfect vessel, I strive daily to be more like Jesus, and fall short.  But what an amazing gift we have of salvation from Jesus so that each day I can get up and keep trying to step up and be who He wants me to be, forgive, and know that my Savior has paid that price.  Giving it to God is difficult for someone that is a control freak, but I'm a work in progress, and He's got all of the patience in the world.

As for this week, tomorrow after work I plan on heading to "town" to drop youngest girl off at her friend's house while I get my hair done, $10 for the hair, need to put at least $40 in the gas tank for the rest of the week.  I also need to grocery shop as I'll be in the big "town" and don't want to have to go back at all till next week.  I must remember to stop by the mall to pick up my shoes I ordered from Payless!  Maybe now that I've typed it on here I'll remember, lol!

Wont' be a very frugal day tomorrow but it will be as frugal as I can get it to be.  I'll sort thru my coupons on my lunch tomorrow and have them ready to just reach in and use, $10 for the hair as opposed to $50 plus at a salon, then gas bought in the big town, it's cheaper than here, sadly enough.

Blessings to all who read this.  I may be on before the weekend, will depend on how my week goes.  Take care!


Wednesday, January 8, 2014


Let me introduce you, this first picture was taken in 1972, I know this because Eric was just a baby.  My brother, Mark, is sitting on Dad's knee, there's my Dad, Charles, there's me and no those aren't red boots, they are red socks with my black Mary Janes, then Mom, Sharon, and Eric.  Too bad you can't see Eric's hair really well, it was bright carrot red/orange!  He was my baby, mine!  I would put him in my doll buggy, a green plastic bottom with an orange and white patterned top that folded up, just like a real buggy.  The problem was Eric was so chubby he got stuck! Dad had to have Mom put her arms across the tub part and he had to flip it over to get Eric out.  Oh memories....

This next picture is of my family Christmas 2012.  We lost Dad in 2007, complications from lung cancer.  Seated is Mom, of course, and then it's my "little baby brother" Eric, Mark
and me.  Both boys are 6'5" but believe me, I still boss them, when I can, I just have to look up.

It's no secret that Mom and I have a strained relationship at times.  I get upset over something she says or does and then I go silent, sometimes for long periods of time.  God has really been working on me about this, through Ted actually.  Ted never judges me when Mom and I have our "outs".  He lets me go for a little while then will ask, "Have you talked to your mom lately?"  I'll say, no, no I haven't.  Then he'll patiently say, "I know you both are stubborn but one of you has to give, and you know it will be you so why don't you just get it over with and call her."  Smarty pants!  But the funny thing about that is a few days before he asks me about this I'll start having dreams, dreams about Mom, random things from our past, when I was a girl, sometimes things that seem to be from the future.  I know it's the Holy Spirit gently nudging me, then He gets Ted in on the nudging.  

I do love my mother.  We are alike, yet we are different.  She grew up in another era, another age, she doesn't completely agree with my decisions or parenting style.  Now that I'm older I can see where I should have listened, paid attention and applied a lot of what she chided me to do.  The Bible is very clear on respecting your parents.  As a God Girl, I have failed in that in the past, even after I gave my life back to God, re-dedicated my life to Him.  I, of course, have sound reasoning (in my mind it's sound).  But in the end I am wrong.  

Children and Parents

Ephesians 6 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

I have begged God's forgiveness for my anger and silence towards my Mom, and have asked her forgiveness as well.  Mom always does give me that forgiveness and actually has not gone back and reminded me of my stubbornness.  She did say to me "You are so much like your father with your temper and silence."  Yes, I guess I am.  Mom and I are doing wonderfully.  When she starts to drive me crazy I just pray and remember that my time with her on earth can be cut short at any time.  She's proven so much stronger than we ever gave her credit, especially have Dad passed.

This family thing has been on my mind because I'm going through something similar with my 17 year old daughter.  I love this child so much, I don't now if she realizes just how much.  In the past year, actually the past six months a distance has come between us.  She shares nothing of her life with me, well, just very brief pieces.  I am sure it has a lot to do with the fact she is in her last year of high school and she has some very real decisions to make regarding her becoming an adult.  She wants to move out as soon as she turns 18.  I cannot stop her.  I pray for her to have clarity of mind, discernment.  She is extremely intelligent, not being partial but she truly is.  But it's breaking my heart that she won't share any of her fears, excitement, questions, anything at all.  I had hoped she would maybe turn to her older sister for advice, or just to talk but at this point she has not.  Maybe she will, or maybe she'll just have to be the little bird that leaves the nest and struggles to fly but determination will fuel her, give her that strength.  

I see now how my own Mom has felt when I shut her out.  This makes me hurt, not just for me but for her as well.  I will not do that to my own mother again.  God has His way of getting His point across.  I have faith and believe that Meg will one day realize I will always be here, always care, always love her.

My friends, if you have a relationship with a parent, or a child, or a sibling that is in need of some TLC, I urge you to mend that relationship. I promise you, it will not kill you to say I'm sorry, any tears that are shed, they will be cleansing tears.  

Lord God I thank you for the chance I had to make things right with my Mother, and I thank you for giving her that grace to forgive my childish behavior and to still love me, unconditionally.  I pray that I continue to seek You when things may get troublesome and that I remember Your commandment to love and honor Mom.  I also pray your protection over my Megan, well our Megan as she was yours before she was mine.  I pray wisdom and gentleness with her as she goes through these growing pains as she leaves childhood and begins her life as an adult.  She did ask you into her heart and I know in this age of awareness she has questions and doubts.  Please continue to speak to her heart so that she knows all she has to do is call on You and You will be there, that you are never far away.  In Jesus name, Amen.

2 Corinthians 12:9

English Standard Version (ESV)
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Blessings my friends, keep warm, keep safe,

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Belated Happy New Year!  

We've been busy the last two weeks, trying to get 2 family Christmas' in, back to work for 2 days, a weekend with some not so hot news, 2 days of work, New Year, 2 more days of work.  I don't know about you but I'm not real crazy about Christmas and New Year holidays being in the middle of the week!  I was blessed to have Christmas Eve day off of work.  My new job is fantastic, truly God given.  When I worked at Goodwill there are no early days off.  

Last Sunday we received word from our current pastor that he is resigning.  In fact his last day will be next Sunday.  I'm not really surprised, but saddened.  It was past due.  It hurts me to say that but it was, and I'm upset.  I really never realized how much church politics there are, which if handled properly is a good thing, a policy of checks and balances.  But there was a flaw somewhere, we kept losing members.  2 of the 3 elders have decided to just stop, close up.  This saddens me the most because I think we could have regrouped.  But see, this is me, my plan, not God's plan.

I've found myself giving God a lot of suggestions lately.  Yes, I pray, I ask God to do His will, but then I offer up things I think would be closer in alignment to His will.  Silly girl, silly, silly girl.  This is GOD I'm talking to!  He knows how it all plays out, He has a divine plan.  The other night I had a sleepless night so I prayed, right about 2 hours actually.  I had so many questions, hurts on my heart.  The first hour was me venting, crying, wondering, asking.  The second hour was praising, loving His word and, get this, listening.  He revealed to me just a little, enough to calm my upset mind, give me that inner strength I'd been seeking, and helped lull me to sleep.  He gave me the heart to forgive, to accept, to love, to apologize.  Now I'm trusting and believing in Him to set our feet upon the path He has made for us.  I have no idea where we will begin to worship, but He does.  

Life is truly full of ups and downs.  I worried once I'd have a boring life, I needn't have.  Nothing in my life is boring!  This is a line from Parenthood, the movie with Steve Martin in it.  I've always remembered this...

Grandma: You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster.
Gil: Oh?
Grandma: Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride!
Gil: What a great story.
Grandma: I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it.

Ahead of us, my girls and myself is uncertainty.  My ex husband got injured and is off of work.  This equals me not getting child support.  I'm blessed that I do get regular support, so many women don't.  But this is going to be really tough on us.  I have to downsize and cut back even more.  We have to look for a smaller house to live in, I need to get a replacement vehicle for my rapidly declining van, and look for Megan a decent used car.  I had my neurologist appointment, they've found my back trouble is more than the degenerative disc disease, more than the herniated disc with nerve impingement but add to this a slipped disc.  Medical treatments start the end of January and I'm believing in healing, either miraculous or through my physician.  But I've had troubles like these before, challenges.  God has got us through each and every time.  While I can't sit here and say I'm not concerned, a little worried, I have to remind myself that God says not to worry.

Matthew 6:25-27  “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?
So I end this post praising God for all He has done, all He has provided me with, the love of my children, the love of a good, solid, Christian man and a good job.  I will indeed Praise Him in This Storm!


Have you ever thought, you know I want to blog, now what is my password...then it's, where did my blog go?  Well looks like it's gone, outta here, c'ya.  I don't remember deleting it but, well, I suppose I must have.  So, let's start a new one, shall we?  Or rather I AM starting a new one!

As I reflect on 2013, it wasn't the best year, but it wasn't the worst.  Have had a lot of ups and downs but so have most of us, right?  But I, for one, am ready to file 2013 away under been there, done that, survived it, on to the next!

My hopes and prayers for 2014...

1.  I have a 17 year old daughter that will graduate high school come spring.  The 3rd of my children to graduate, one more left.  My prayer for her is that she succeed in all she does, but reality tells me that she'll have to struggle and there will be disappointments, but there will also be triumphs and happy tears as well.  I do pray that she turn back to her faith.  It's there, but she's 17, she's questioning things.  In questioning though my prayers are that she opens that bible and starts to search there for her answers.  She has a good head on her shoulders, a wonderful moral foundation and belief.  I leave her in God's hands with a lot of prayers from me, her momma.  Not sure she knows how much I love her, but I do, with all of my heart....

Tomorrow I'll continue with my desires for the following year.  I will not use resolutions, they fail.  I am using hopes, prayers, and desires.

Blessings in Him,

John 10:10

New International Version (NIV)
10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.