Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Isn't this so pretty?  I have all of these plans in my head to decorate like this for Fall but...that's where they stay!  I keep thinking, next year I'll do this, but next year comes and I don't.  No more waiting, I'm going to find a way to make my space, my little rental house, more beautiful, inexpensively.  I'm all for barter and curbside shopping.  Not stealing from houses, lol, but garbage picking to be more direct.  I've done it before and have found some wonderful things that have been used over and over!

Trying to crack down on my frugality, get back in a more structured cycle again.  I had to trade in the van for a new vehicle, my transmission finally was winning the battle of going out after doctoring it for the last 3 years.  I've bought a 2011 Dodge Caliber but now have payments, the first time in about 6 years that I've had car payments.  I love the new car, I really do, decent gas mileage, doesn't cost an arm and a leg to fill up, but a car payment, and a little bit higher insurance since I now have to carry full coverage.  I've come up with a few things to help my frugality get better:

*Pack my lunch a few time a week
*If we want to eat out we always use coupons
*We drink bottled water and the best, cheapest place I've found is Aldi.
*Unplug appliances when not in use, am working to get better at that.
*buy generics, well most things generic.  There are a few things I will not pinch pennies on.
*Being a clearance fanatic, on anything and everything!
*I dropped my land line.  All of us have cell phones.  My youngest is still on my ex husband's plan but my middle daughter and myself are on Straight Talk, best bang for our bucks.  She buys her card, I buy mine.
*I dropped our satellite service.  I have yet to buy a converter box but am saving to do so.  The only thing I pay for is internet/wifi, that's saved me $90 between dropping the land line and the satellite.
*Saving change, I only have just started but I have a man I'm dating that saves all of his change at the end of the day,  he's set up some very nice savings accounts for his children!
*Stocking up clearance on food items as well!
There are some here I've started already, some I am working on, but all in all, they will help in the long run.    

Blessings to you all and again, Happy Thanksgiving!


Friday, November 21, 2014

I can't seem to get in a regular groove on blogging so no more apologies, I'm just a hit and miss kind of girl!

See these young ladies to the right, that's my girls, the dance team.  The young woman to the far right with the ponytail flying, that's my youngest girl Alyssa.  These girls are the reason I'm in a non-stop run week to week but let me tell you, it's so worth it.  Yes, I have days where I just want to say you know what, I'm done, but that's because I'm tired.  Working with these young women, watching how hard they practice, they dance sick, hurt, you name it, is inspiring.  Yes, they get on each other's nerves especially as I have them dancing 3-4 days a week, 2 hours a night, but nevertheless, their hearts are wholly in dancing and being the best that they can be.  There was an article published in our local paper about an event that took place last Saturday where you meet the winter teams.  The reporter covering the event didn't report about who was on the team or any of their attributes, he butchered them, calling out imperfections, belittling the teams, including my girls.  He called their hip hop routine edgy and pushing the envelope for our small town but in the very next sentence said the moves were simplistic and childish.  Ummm, how can you be edgy and push an envelope but be simplistic?  I wrote a letter to the editor on their FB page setting the paper straight and informing the young man that obviously he knows nothing about high school dance.  HS dance is highly competitive now, it's not simple arm movements and marching in saddle shoes with big poms like we did  when I was in high school in 1984.  You have to be competitive and edgy and this is a SPORT, there are legitimate injuries, torn rotator cuffs,torn labrums, ACL's that have to be repaired, bruises everywhere, even hernias that need repair.  My response went viral in our town as well as others chimed in as well about how he ripped apart the other teams.  I've sent an actual letter to the editor as well as the company that owns the newspaper.  What I've heard (small town so you hear all) is that he wrote the article, his boss was out of town so didn't proof it before it was printed.  A few others read the article and advised him against printing it but, he ran it anyway.  I will defend my girls to the bitter end.  All this did was fuel their fire in making them kick it up a higher notch for their competition.  I guess I found a motivator for them!

Dance has pretty much been my life, work, dance, my girls.  I was dating a very nice man for about a month but, well, I ended it.  He's sweet but my heart wasn't in it.  I believe I dated too soon.  I'm going back to just taking care of myself, my own children and my dance girls, as well as getting back into my church.  Even that has suffered some but am taking steps to get that on the right track again.  I'm going back to my church where I gave my life back to God.  It always feels like home and that's where I need to reconnect.

I'm amazed that Christmas is around the corner.  This Thanksgiving is going to be odd next week.  Rachel and her fiance' re hosting Thanksgiving lunch at her place for his parents and for her dad (my ex husband) and his wife and her children.  Alyssa is going as well.  Megan is catching a train to Chicago this Sunday and will be there for 1 week, I get her from the train next Saturday.  I'm going to be on my own.  If my ex had stuck to the divorce decree he would have had them every Thanksgiving, that was his holiday but it's been years since they've been with him.  I've agreed to go with my friend, Ted's ex wife actually, to her family's Thanksgiving.  No, Ted won't be there, it's her side of the family, my friend's own family is spreading all over this year as well.  I think this is the hardest for me, the kids growing up, doing their own things.

Christmas, well I'm not even going there right now.  I'm going to pull a Scarlet O'Hara, I'll think about that tomorrow.  I plan on taking half of my dance coach salary and using it for Christmas gifts.  Now just when I'll get that, that is another story.  Waiting to hear from the payroll person as to when they plan on cutting those checks.

My house is a wreck, my mattress is in the living room floor, but on the days I don't have dance we're running and doing other things like grocery shopping or other errands.  My goal this week is to get my house back in some kind of decent shape.  The reason my mattress is on the living room floor is because Meg has my room.  The girls' friends don't think anything of it, I keep my "bed" made, we're doing what we can.  I imagine this time next year Megan will be in Chicago, I actually figure it will be sooner than a year from now.  She needs a better car but, we'll see about that.

I should wrap this up, I'm writing from work.  I need to go around and start locking up, making sure the heat is down, etc.

I pray blessings over you all, remember those less fortunate than you, and may Christ's love fill you!


Saturday, October 4, 2014

 Happy October 4th!!!  This is me (well my eyes and nose) and my youngest sitting at our booth at the Fall Festival in our town....Goofy kid but it's rare she wants to take a picture with me!  I grab any opportunity I get!  

This week was a busy one, wait, they're all busy!  But this one was extremely busy.  My Dance Team helped booth in the festival, we sold glow in the dark tattoos, did nail art where we painted fingernails and put on designs.  We barely broke even, wouldn't have if someone had not donated  money without purchasing anything.  Seriously reconsidering  ever doing that again.  Unless we can come up with something that's more marketable, no way, not freezing my tush off 2 nights in a row again! was their first performance of the year and I was so proud!!!  

 These girls have worked hard and it showed!  I received so many compliments from people, including the cheer coach, friends of mine and random people that saw me wandering around carrying poms in a bag!

There were a few small goofs but only I could see, and the girls that messed up knew, nobody else had a clue.  Now I think the girls look adorable in those uniforms (borrowed from the cheerleading coach). I'm trying to be as frugal as possible so borrowing was the only thing we can do. I personally believe they look much better than black capri stretchy yoga pants and borrowed football jerseys, which is what the girls wanted to wear.  I have told them no, we were going to look unified and like a team.  
This coming week is going to be less stressful.  We will have practice just 2 days as I have a funeral to go to on Tuesday evening.  A very sweet woman I knew from a former church, a woman I got to know very well and took home from church often, died the other day, along with her husband.  They were involved in a car accident, he lost control in the rain and slid.  I feel like I just need to be there to pay my respects to Betty.

I've been as frugal as possible, even though my van has not cooperated.  On Wednesday I went to get into it to pick Alyssa up from school and it would not start.  I had taken the day off due to my back really hurting.  Blessings, the van was in my driveway when the starter decided to go out, and not in a parking lot wherever my errand travels would take me.  One of my co workers put the new starter in for me.  He said that it was the battery that shorted out my starter.  So tomorrow I'll take the starter back to O'Reillys to get my core charge back.  My co-worker only charged me $105 to buy a new battery & put in the starter I had already bought.  That $175 was not something in my budget, sigh, but ah well, Praising that I had it to pay for it...just!  God is so good!  Amazing how He always provides for me.  By my co-worker doing the work for me it saved me easily $200 that a garage would have charged in labor alone.

The girls and I made due with what we had and did more cooking from home, when we were home.  There was not much extra to spend so we behaved!  I walked to work Thursday and Friday, simply because I had no choice.  

A very dear woman that I met on a frugal forum has sent me coupons as well as a list of what she uses so I can send my coupons for those things to her. She's so precious.  She's in her late 80's and loves to use her computer, has figured out her smart phone.  She cracks me up!  I plan on sending her an envelope full tomorrow evening after I get my paper.

Another frugal, one of the men at work is delivering newspapers in the mornings. I'm on the get the paper free for 6 weeks plan, oh how I love having a newspaper to read in the morning, after my devotions.  Not sure if I'll subscribe after my free trial is over.  I may for the Sunday paper.  If I lived close enough to a Dollar Tree I wouldn't and would just get it there for $1 but, I don't.  It's 20 minutes away and some Sundays I don't leave town to go to the bigger town.

Tomorrow I am churching it from home, so I can sleep as long as I want, especially after this long, long weekend.  Once Alyssa and I are up and moving we'll be headed into town, we'll shop at Aldi, return the old starter to get my core money back, stop by Goodwill to get another pair of cheater glasses, they have them for $1.98 and are actually very nice, lots of different modern styles to choose from.

The dance team will be working on a new routine, a competition routine and it is difficult!  That should be fun.

I have the funeral of my dear friend to attend.

I have to go through the totes for Chrysalis to check how many manuals are still outstanding and get that organized.  It's my job as a Board Member, one I volunteered for.

I need to finish up the baby blanket I've been working on.  Would like to have it ready for the new baby girl before she gets here in a few weeks!

I believe I've written how much I love Fall but one thing that I'm not crazy about is how cold it's dropped, and so quickly.  I do love my hoodies and jeans or hoodies and yoga pants but you have to be careful wearing yoga pants.  Too many days in them you don't realize if your behind is spreading until you try to pour yourself into your jeans!  That is why yoga pants are just for dance practice.  I like to stretch with the girls, it's good for my back, especially now that it's getting really cold, and that messes with my back.  The leaves are falling, I doubt the grass will even need cutting anymore for the year, and that's fine with me.  That means I don't have to pay someone $20 again until next year!  I hope to have my own mower by then.

Along with chilly days are the shorter daylight hours, so not a fan.  I am so sleepy once it gets dark, I have to push myself to do anything, even wash dishes after work or work & practice.  And some days, to be honest, I just don't do it.  Either the girls will pitch in or they won't, and it doesn't hurt them to help out.  

My eyes are getting to where it's a chore to keep them open right now.  After this busy weekend I'm ready to curl up and finish watching Gone With the Wind.  I wanted to see it in the theater this week but, well, that didn't happen so I'll  just watch it at home.  I have the movie and it's no money out of my pocket so there you go, another frugal!

Have a blessed evening, day, week if I'm not back any time soon.


Saturday, September 27, 2014

Fall is in the air....isn't this beautiful?  The most wonderful thing is that in the next few weeks I know a place that will look almost identical to this where I can walk and think and pray and be!

I guess you've figured out my good intentions don't always follow through, ha!  I had hoped to post before now but, well, by the end of my days I'm beat and don't feel like sitting upright that long!

But let's see, where were we?


Ahhh, Chrysalis!  Oh my, how the Holy Spirit moved that weekend!  I had 22, yes 22 young women as "caterpillars~now butterflies" that's Chrysalis speak for campers.  We normally struggle to have 14!  Watching these girls that were scared silly that first half of the day because they were thrown in with absolutely no one they knew start to unwind, ease up, accept and embrace one another, the talks, the amazing teams we had working, I was just thrilled!  I refuse to take credit for this, this was all God.  HE was the one who chose the team, I was just the mouthpiece.  The ones that were meant to say yes to work, were there.  The girls that were meant to attend, were there.  The guys didn't have as many, they had 8 campers but from what my dear friend who was the lay director for the boys told me, the Holy Spirits was all over the camp, not just in the girls' section!  The weekend had 3 young ladies give their lives to God, 5 that I know of rededicate their lives and the other young ladies told me that it made their walk stronger.  I've had a lot of the girls friend me on Facebook, we chat, I check on them.  One girl, on the weekend, came to me and said "Has anyone ever told you that you look like the girl on Pretty in Pink?"  I said, "Molly Ringwald?"  and she said YES!  I told her yep, I get that all the time, Molly or Bette Midler.  I'll take it, I think they are both beautiful!  But the talks were even better on the weekend than they had been during the team meetings, and I didn't have one issue to deal with that was negative, praising God!  I had team members tell me that was one of the most fun and most moving flights in awhile.  When they went to thank me I said I'd love to accept the thanks but that goes to God. I truly stayed obedient to His guidance!

The day after I got home from that weekend, had handed my Lay Director book over to my very dear friend that it's her turn in January, I got sick.  Strep that turned into that awful upper respiratory mess that was going around.  I was exhausted after the weekend, prayer can sometimes take it out of you, lol.  That and if the enemy sees something good happening, well, he'll try to knock me down.  I missed 2 days of work but thankfully my boss let me use vacation time to cover those days.  That meant tho that I had to forego seeing Joyce Meyer this weekend.  I'm bummed about that but to me that just meant that it wasn't the time for me to go...yet.  I will go, I know I will.  Praying for next year!


My dance girls are really coming along!  We had our secondary tryout and gained 4 new members, the end of the first practice with all the girls, new and old, after I'd had a talk with 2 young ladies about stepping it up, one girl text me that she just really didn't have the passion for dance that she knew she needed.  I am proud of her in that she was mature enough to realize that.  The new girls are starting to catch on faster, and it's so much fun seeing them "get it!"   The girls learned a new dance, a pom dance.  After working their butts off for 2 hours on learning the dance, without poms to learn it,  right before we ended for the night I hopped up on some steps and asked, so, anyone want to play with some poms?  All 10 girls RAN at me, I started tossing poms out.  These teen girls turned into giggling young girls but danced their hearts out with the poms in their hands!  I asked when they were done, so you like the poms huh?  They all laughed and agreed!  We had the Athletic Director who is over me stop by and watch practice this past Thursday and I had them dancing with the poms toward the end.  He pulled me aside and said, you know, I can barely tell who the new girls are!  He said if he didn't know any better they all had been dancing about the same amount of time.  He congratulated me and I told him thank you but if they didn't have the talent, they would never have picked it up.  When they were done I told the girls, Hey, Mr. H says you all stink!  They threw their poms at him but they knew I was joking.  First performance is next Sat., Oct. 4th at the home football game, they are excited!  Now I just have to get uniform tops!

Dance has pretty much taken over even more of my time than Chrysalis did.  We practice 3x a week, over 2 hours a night.  I've got a fundraiser going on now.  A friend of mine is a graphic artist, she designed our new logo so we're putting it on t-shirts and then going on the back will be 2014/15 Dance Team, under that different levels, Gold, Silver, Bronze.  I've sent the girls out with flyers and order forms, $100 + is Gold, $50 to $99 is Silver, $25 to $49 is Bronze, all names will be put on the backs of the t-shirts.  I walked the town square yesterday dropping off the information, next Tues I'll retrace my steps and see if they are ready.  We have a whopping $26 in our school account.  The girls need dance shoes (they are paying for them on their own) but as far as uniforms and costumes I'm praying our fundraiser, well this t-shirt one, will help cover most of that.  We have a booth at our Fall Festival next weekend, and are selling glow in the dark tattoos, both the square ones as well as the ones that would go around a young person's arm or ankle, we're also doing nail painting, designs on fingernails.  I'm organizing who is bringing what, I've received the Tattoos from Oriental Trading, now I have someone bringing tables, someone else bringing chairs, I am bringing my crockpot to put the water in to keep it warm in case it's cold at night, we need to string up lights, I have Spooky Halloween Ribbon to decorate around the table, just the list is ongoing of what is needed.  All money is to be put in our account at the school to purchase what is needed.  Praising God we have just enough poms for the girls so I don't have to buy more!

Megan is back home now, but I'm disappointed, she's not looking for a job.  I think she's in a state of depression, all she does is sleep when she's not at school.  If you can join me in prayer for God to heal her?  I know that her older sister's actions of kicking her out of the apartment have left a mark, that and the break up of her first real boyfriend.  She wants so much to be an adult, but inside she's still a little girl and has her heart broken in a few different ways.


I've done some coupon cutting and matching them up to deals. The week after Chrysalis, when I finally felt like going anywhere after work, the girls and I ran into "town"....anywhere from where I live to a big town to buy from CVS or Walmart or Aldi is 20 minutes...we stopped in to CVS to catch some deals.  I've not been getting the CVS sales in the paper lately (I get the paper from work, free coupons for me!) so I went online and saw that quite a few things were on sale.  I had 47% savings!  Total amount saved was $8.94 and I paid out of pocket cash with tax $10.94 for Herbal Essence Shampoo & Conditioner, Puffs Kleenex (I badly needed those), Dawn dish soap w/ Olay, and Tide Simply Clean, the new Tide in the yellow bottle.  The only ting that didn't have a coupon was the Puffs.  The girls used to just groan when I pulled out a wad of coupons, now I give them each a handful and tell them, go on the hunt.  They are really getting good at it, I am happy!  

Alyssa wants to go to our former town we lived in and go to their homecoming football game with her friend, her best friend.  I figure I'll drop her off, then I'll head into the big town and look around Goodwill for anything we may truly need, not just want, as well as maybe a hoodie for myself, I love them in the Fall/Winter.  I'll look at the movies as well, we've seen all of ours over and over and Goodwill is selling VHS tapes 4 for $1, DVD's are $4.  Not bad at all!  I'll pick Alyssa up when she's done, we'll do a quick Aldi run and then back home where I'll finish up laundry, vacuum, and probably pull out my flowers that are finally dying.  I need to re-plant my Hostas, they have had too much sun.  Praying I can save them.  If not I'm sure I can get more next Spring from my neighbor, we all know how quickly Hostas grow!

I have been lazy of late, and a lot of it is because I've been tired, we've picked up things off the $1 menu at McD's.  It's awful for us, I know this, but at the end of the day I've been wiped out.  Mostly because that sickness really, really kicked my butt, but a lot of it is I'm running until 8 pm 3 nights a week, then one night we run into town to grocery shop, get whatever we need from Walmart, and it's getting dark so doggone early!  I'm truly solar powered I believe, as soon as it gets dark I'm ready to snuggle in with a book and chill.  

I've been re-reading my Complete Tightwad Gazette I bought years and years and years ago.  I usually get thru the 1st 2 sections but the last 2 get skimmed over.  This time I'm working through the book backwards.  I read Edition 4 last night, am reading Edition 3 today, and then it'll be 2, then 1.  It's good to refresh my mind, and I'm also trying to instill some of that into my dance girls as well, what we can do spending as little money as possible.  We're going through the cheerleading uniforms Monday evening to find 10 matching tops and hopefully skirts for my girls to use for performing at games.  Costumes are to be strictly for competition.  Re-use, recycle.  The cheer coach is thrilled!  She told me the other night, she loves that we have no animosity, I guess that has been an issue in the past.  Not with the last coach, she is a precious young woman, but coaches before her.  

My goals this week are:

1.  Cooking from home, using the crockpot
2.  Making a big batch of waffles, letting them cool well and then freezing them 2 per ziploc baggie (generic of course)
3.  Setting up and working the Fall Festival for as little outlay as possible, getting donations of things to use from the girls' families, using what I have like the spooky ribbon, ghost twinkle lights, etc.
4.  Getting all bills paid, on time so no late fees.
5.  Putting minimum $20 back toward starting my "late" Christmas fund.  Better late than never!

Now that I've talked your ears off, or made your eyes cross, I'll close.  Who knows, I may surprise you and post earlier than a month, you never know!  Sitting myself down to write is 3/4 of the battle.  Once I get started I can't shut up!

I pray blessings over all who read this.


Saturday, August 23, 2014

Ohhhh, wouldn't it be nice if we did have a day between Saturday and Sunday?  My weeks are so jam packed anymore!  Weekends just seem to fly by!

Chrysalis Camp is next weekend.  Our last team meeting was today and it turned out great!  I am so proud of the ladies, adult and youth, on my team!  They have more than stepped up and I can just feel how God is using them and the talks they have prepared!  Will let you know how the weekend turns out!

Just this last week dance started, I held my first official practice as Dance Coach for the high school team.  It went well I think.  I sat them all down and let them know the rules.  I told them, this is not a group, a club, this is a SPORT!  That means I'm treating it as a sport, give 100% at each practice, go full out, no laziness.  I can see I may have one or two butt heads with me but that's ok, I'm a lot more hard headed than they are.  I would love to see these girls qualify for State this year!  That would make me so happy, and I know it would make the girls happy, especially the seniors!  Dance practices are 3 nights a week after I get off of work until about 7:30.  When it comes closer to competition time it will go to 4 nights and every other Saturday.  

I talked to Megan tonight, she and Rachel seem to have butted heads once too often (that seems to be the theme of this blog, butting heads).  She may end up moving back in here at the end of the week.  I'm good with that.  There's been a lot of drama and frankly I'm tired of it.  I think she'll be better off here until she graduates with her associates.  She should graduate in May with that.  After she gets her associates she's planning on moving to Chicago.  That's alright, we'll manage.  She'll pay some towards rent here, it'll be good for her to do.

I've been watching my pennies as best as I can.  Having to pay for Megan's tow and two new tires put me on precarious ground again but I'll build back up.  Didn't do a lot of shopping this past week.  I think I spent a whole $60.  Have been making meals from home.  Friday my boss bought us lunch so didn't really even eat for supper, was pretty full actually.  Mexican food does that to me, fills me for the evening!

I've got my coupons all sorted, expireds pulled out.  I wish I had someone in the military to send my expireds to.  I know they can use them up to 6 months expired at the commissary.  Ideally I would like to build up a small stockpile, nothing like the extreme couponers on the show but something to fall back on during tough times when I have to come up with cash for an auto repair or a weather related high utility bill.  Next month I plan to start doing just that.  I have shelving downstairs that came with this house that I can use.  

I'm also looking into possibly making my own laundry detergent.  I know it's much cheaper than buying, even with a coupon.  Although, I really do like the Tide Free and they're giving some pretty good coupons.  I need to get a paper tomorrow so I can see if they have any sales that I can match coupons up with.  I get the sales ads, write down what we use in a notebook, put the sale price and then write down if I have a coupon.  That's how I know the way to plan my trip, I go in a loop.  One thing I have to buy that of course I have no coupons for are two headlights for my vehicle.  One is completely out, the other one only runs on the low beam, not the high beam.  Not good when you're driving in the country and dodging deer!

Today's temp was 100 F when I passed the bank here in town, that was not the heat index, that was the temperature!  I have no idea what it was with the heat index factored in but once I finally got home from the camp I just lay on the couch for about 45 minutes.  I made myself get up, start laundry, wash dishes, switch out laundry.  I have a quiet house, just me and the cats.  Alyssa is spending the night at her friend's house.  

I don't do alone well but I'm getting better at it.  I know God has plans for me, I know He does.  I just have to stop being so antsy. All in His timing, not mine.  I have had to force myself to not go to the ex boyfriend's house.  He has one of my movies that I want to get but I believe his son is bringing it to me tomorrow along with a Chrysalis folder from someone that had to drop out of the weekend.  It's probably best, I'd feel awful all over again.  Although I know it's best, it's just my loneliness creeping in trying to mess with my head.  

My plans for frugality this week. 
*  Making meals from what we have on hand.
*  Couponing when I DO go to the store this weekend.
*  Trying to see if there's anything I can sell on one of the FB
    pages.  I don't have much luck with Craigslist and frankly,
    not a huge fan of Craigslist anyway.

Unfrugal will probably be spending extra gas money to go get Megan's things from Rachel's apartment since the bottom seems to have fallen thru on that arrangement.  I'll be happier with her back here tho.  We can manage it for awhile longer.  Just want to give the kid the chance to spread her wings but slowly.  

So that's what's brewing in my head tonight.  I need to wrap this up and hopefully get some sleep.  I missed church last Sunday, don't want to miss it this Sunday.

Hugs and blessings!

Sunday, August 17, 2014

My Blogging Vacation

Hello my friends....I know, it's been awhile.  I've been healing, emotionally, spiritually, wish I could say physically, lol.

When I last left you I was dealing with a lot, and that has lingered for most of the summer.  It's hard to find a new routine, a new schedule when you're used to something for several years.  But I've finally done it, and I'm a much more content woman.  It has taken me a few months but my heart and head are finally at peace about the break up of my relationship.  I realized how much I let myself be consumed with thoughts of him and our "relationship" and how much I neglected things for myself, even for my kids.  My prayer is whenever I do begin to date again that I realize that and not let it take precedence over the truly important things.

I've been in prayer numerous times a day, reading quite a few books, inspirational, devotional, not self help, no, but from trusted authors that have swam in the same waters I have been in.  God has got me through all of this.  I have found a new church home with some old friends from my Emmaus and Crysalis Community and I feel loved and accepted, welcomed.  I desperately needed to find a new church, and am so happy for my friend, Patty, who kept on inviting me each week.  Gentle persistence, that is Patty.

Now that I've had my little hiatus let's play catch up, again.  Here is my Megan.....graduation night, just before we left for the high school.

I am so proud of this young woman!  She graduated with dual credit classes that should allow her to get her associates degree at the junior college she starts tomorrow in one year instead of two!  My son was down here for a personal matter he's tending to and I made sure he knew we wanted him at the graduation.  Megan was thrilled to have all of her siblings, as well as my daughter's fiance' who wasn't a fiance' at that time, with us to celebrate her day!  And my son, goofy clown that he is, when Megan's name was called we, the family, were to stand and remain standing until after she received her diploma.  She told the school she wanted them to announce her as her name, daughter of Lisa......   I asked her if she was sure she didn't want her dad's name there, she said absolutely sure.  When they called her name my son bellows out, YOU GO GIRL in a feminine voice, lol!  Megan whipped her head around to us and the entire auditorium lost it!  Her graduation picture has her pretty red faced but still grinning as the superintendent shook her hand and handed her the diploma.  The principal shook her hand at the other end before she went to sit down and asked, "So, alphabet (their name has 10 letters in it, a polish last name, yeah, alphabet), family or friend?"  She told him, oh, just my brother.  The principal said, "Well as your brother said, 'You go girl."  We had cake after, just us.  It was nice.  Dan's performance at the graduation had her friends and mine talking for a few days!  

All of the girls have had their birthdays, Rachel is now 22, Megan is 18 and Alyssa is 15.  Dan turned 27 in May.  Rachel got engaged June 4th so we have a wedding scheduled for June 6th of next year.  The dress is bought, venue found and deposit on it. I wish I could say I've had a hand in that but I didn't.  Actually her soon to be in-laws have given them a $5000 budget.  They have 2 boys and said they want to do this for them.  I am paying for the photographer and her veil.  She is having 8 girls as attendants, I don't know why so many as she wants the affair to be low key, low budget but, well, she had to have certain people she thought.  Her fiance' is cringing but she's adamant.  Her dress is stunning, can't post a pic till after the big day but she is going to be so beautiful, it's just her.

Meg moved in with Rachel 3 weeks ago.  She is attending the junior college close to Rachel's apartment and they were down an apartment mate.  She's on the job hunt so prayers she finds something soon?  

I'm down to one child left in the house.  It seems surreal actually.  The up side, I have my own room again!  I love my room, will post pics at the end of this post.  It's truly my refuge, a huge prayer closet, lol, but it gives me peace to just look in my room.

Chrysalis weekend is soon upon me.  In less than 2 weeks it will be here and all of the prayer, hard work, more prayer, more hard work will be put in motion.  I have some last minute spots to fill.  Prayers are welcomed.  

My newest adventure is going to be Dance Coach for the high school dance team. I put in my letter of intent a few months ago and at the last board meeting the school board voted me in as the coach.  I've received everything from the former dance coach.  She has a 2 year old and is ready for a break from coaching.  She's offered assistance if I ever need it, the former team captain who graduated this year wants to help.  I welcome any help.  So once Chrysalis is over, all of my energies will be to working with the girls on the team, well almost all of my energies.

Time to get off of here and check on my tomatoes in my crockpot.  I'm making spaghetti sauce to can.  Oh boy!  

Blessings friends, 

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Isn't this so very true?  While each step may get harder I know the view from the top is going to be utterly amazing!

I'm sitting home on a Saturday night.  Why?  Well, the "talk" between Ted and I happened last Saturday night and the way it ended up is, we are no longer a couple.  Again, I will not go into details on here.  He is a good man. I never could hate him, ever.  I love him very much actually, but we're not in the same place, and it appears the directions we both want to go are polar opposites so, I had to leave.  I pray for him, pray he regains his joy, pray that he finds his place again and God shows him where He wants him to minister to.  

Sounds oh so civilized doesn't it?  My insides ache, my heart hurts, my mind keeps going over and over on what I could have done differently, better, how did I fail him?  But deep down I know it's the enemy again at work trying to make me doubt myself.  I know that I loved this man with all I had in me.  I also know he loves me, but, well, there are circumstances.  

My girls have been fantastic.  They hugged me as I cried, made me laugh at their silliness in their effort to make me feel better.  My oldest daughter couldn't be here in person but she was an amazing positive influence, a great listener and also had some deep insight.  How can a 21 year old be so wise?  Four and a half years I have loved this man, and I will love him always, but I know God has this and me.  

I feel deep down in my heart that God wants me to use this healing time to dig deeper in His word as He is preparing me for my next step in His ministry.  My mom says when you find a new church you'll find a good's as I told her, Mom, I'm not looking for a man at this point.  I'm looking to heal, and am getting ready to prepare for my ministry.

Okay, enough of this.  News on Mom.  She was doing so well, she passed her release test with flying colors. Her release test was to undress on her own, shower by herself, get dressed, brush teeth, do hair and get back to her bed on her own. She passed it with flying colors.  My brother got her home on Friday and in 20 minutes she was in the floor in pain, her new hip, it popped out of place!  She was rushed back to the hospital and had emergency surgery last night around 10 pm.  I am stuck here, as I only have $5 for gas till Wednesday.  I have called, she was feeling a little on the crappy side, her throat hurt from being intubated but I'll call her in the morning.  So now she has to start from scratch, again.  I know my brothers are livid.  I'm not so happy with the surgeon myself.  We tried to explain to him before her first surgery that the mechanics of her hips and legs are poor on a good day and she would need extra hardware to keep that in place.  Apparently he did not listen.  I have yet to reach my youngest brother, who was there for the surgery, to find out what the surgeon did this time.  I'm praying he put in the heavy duty stuff and reinforced it this time.

My mother is an amazing woman.  I know now where I get my strength and determination, it's from that stubborn, pigheaded woman.  Please pray with me that this is the last time they have to repair that hip!

Tomorrow is Mother's Day.  I'm going to try a new church, the Christian church a house away from me.  After that I'll come home and make dinner but that's all I'm doing tomorrow!  Meg made me a cake, a strawberry soda cake.  it looks absolutely delicious but we're waiting until Rachel gets here from work tomorrow evening.  I'm hoping that her not quite yet fiance' comes with her so we can make it a family affair.  I will try very hard not to think of last Mother's Day when I was treated to flowers (to plant) as well as dinner from Ted.  

My Chrysalis team roster is about complete.  I have 3 spaces left to fill and then I'll be ready to send my team information to the printer.  And the waiting to fill is actually waiting for answers.  Tomorrow I am going to go through the large plastic tub to make sure I have all of the manuals and books needed for each person.  I'm getting so excited about this Flight.  As hard as the devil is beating on me God must have some amazing things ready to take place for the "caterpillars" or campers in their lives!!!

I will try in future blogs to be more upbeat and talk about some frugal things I'm working on.  I do ask for your prayers though to get me through these trials.  My blessings are many, the food assistance card has been such a huge blessing!  It's so nice to have food in the house, food to make meals, food to snack on, it's just, wow!  I'm making more meals, planning meals, it's great!  Ted's sister and mother have been sending me cards, thinking of you, get well soon, thank you for doing things for them.  These were all sent before we broke up but I have talked to his sister and we agreed that we are still friends, no matter what.  I did send his mom a Mother's Day card the other day.  She's a sweet and Godly woman, and I care about her very much.

I leave you now with prayers for all who read, and wish you all a very HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Blessings in Jesus name!

Saturday, May 3, 2014

WOW!  Do the days fly by or what?  I can't believe it's been a month since I posted anything!  As a friend of mine always says..."In my defense..."  That always gets under my skin, lol.  I could have made time, instead of crawling up on my couch which is currently my bed, and drifting off to sleep by 9 pm.  I'll admit it my friends, lately I'm beat.  I'm more than a little discouraged, I'm sad.

I've shared with you that I'm the next lay director for our Chrysalis church camp and from the moment I said YES to accept that position the enemy has been hitting me at every single turn.  Being the Lay Director is an important position and I've been in prayer over every choice I've considered in building my team.  I'm about 90% done, just have a few confirmations or declines to get and I need to add one more person.  I've been so blessed with the women and young ladies I've called to ask to serve, most have said yes, I've only had three decline and all for very good reasons, not that they needed to answer to me.  God uses the ones He wants there, I've been involved long enough to know that.  God has blessed me with so many loving friends in the Chrysalis and Emmaus community!

But as I said in my first paragraph, I'm beat.  I think my health is taking it's toll, and stress, that is taking a huge toll.  The neurosurgeon had to give me the worst case scenarios and of course the enemy jumped all over that.  There are two tumors, one is not a huge concern and should it need to come out is "easy" as my surgeon said.  The other is in a very delicate area next to the sagital sinus or the part that controls the blood flow to and from the brain.  It's not putting any pressure on it at this point, I pray it never moves from where it's at except to be completely removed by God's divine intervention!  but should it need to come out it needs to be done by a surgeon that has experience.  My guy, who is an amazingly skillful surgeon, has never done one and in his 30 plus years of experience I'm only the 3rd person he's ever seen with a tumor in that area.  Oh joy.  He suggested we fly to Denver as that's where the best surgeon is. I told him unless he's paying the air fare and the accommodations that's not a reality.  We laughed and he told me he'd be with me every step should something have to be done.  

I left there so upset, had a migraine, drove in the sun without my sunglasses (huge no no when I have a migraine) so instead of going back to work I went home and lay down.  I went to my PA later that day and she reassured me that God's got this, we're going to keep it monitored, took me off of the cholesterol medication as the hospital didn't do a fasting bloodwork before they put me on it.  We'd only just done fasting bloodwork 2 weeks before my TIA and my #'s were fantastic.  She did say continue the blood pressure meds as well as the low dose aspirin.  I left there feeling better, got hugs from all of the staff except the receptionist, she's one person I cannot warm up to, and vice versa.  But love it when my PA's business manager hugs me and tells me she loves me and my girls, we are her favorite patients and she says she doesn't say that to just anyone.   She's a hoot and it's worth the 30 minute drive to see them.  I know we are all in good hands.

Stress hits again when my Mom had to have an emergency hip replacement Easter morning.  She'd been complaining of pain, my brother took some time off of work and came down to take care of her then finally made her go to the doc, she got a CT scan and she'd somehow shattered the ball joint in the hip.  The surgeon told us it disintegrated in his hands.  She's doing so well, her attitude as the rolled her into surgery was awesome.  She told the nurses, "Let's get this done so I can go home."  God is doing miracles thru her, I still am concerned.

The last stressor is my relationship.  I'm not going into it on here as I owe him, and myself, that much privacy but I ask for prayers.  Something is very off and needs to be talked about.  Unless I feel from the Holy Spirit that tonight is not the time, tonight will be the time.  I love him so very much, I'm praying it can be worked thru.

Meg graduates in 20 days, that is so hard for me to imagine.  She's not out looking for work as she promised to do, I need all kinds of prayer my friends, just for positive movement in our lives?

A huge blessing did come yesterday tho.  I've been battling with the Dept. of Human & Family Services for weeks as to the whereabouts of my food assistance card.  Finally my local office said this was insanity and sent me one of their precious emergency only cards and it came in the mail.  I took the girls last night and we grocery shopped.  Finally, HEALTHY food in the house.  It's so sad that in this country the cheapest food is the worst for you!  Now maybe I can really work on getting this extra weight off of me, it will help my health so much!

Hugs to you all my friends.  I can't promise how often I can check in but I'm praying it is more often than once a month!


Tuesday, April 15, 2014

This, That and The Other...

Hello my friends, again, it's been a few weeks since I checked in with you but I've been pretty busy.  The girls and I had a household to pack...I'm sorry, let me amend that...I had a household to pack, they had their rooms to pack.  Funny how I was finished packing the rest of the house, basement included, before they were done packing each of their rooms!  We've been through this before but this move I didn't have a fit and get mad and yell, I just told them, what doesn't get packed stays here so if you want it, you better get moving because come the 28th, we're moving.  But I did get sidetracked along the way.  You see, I had a small stroke, a TIA on March 24th....

Yes, you read that right.  As it was happening all I could think was I'm too young, I'm only 48, how can this be happening?  I was at work and it was 3 pm in the afternoon. I was standing up near the fax machine when my whole right side went numb and tingly.  I had to use my left hand to pick up my right arm and put it on the shelving unit.  The whole event lasted almost 5 minutes.  My poor coworker didn't know what to do, and it was just her and I in the office.  I should have had her call an ambulance, but I didn't.  After I could move I sat down for about 10 minutes but I text my oldest daughter living at home and told her to not take a nap, she was going to have to take me to the hospital.   That ER trip turned into 2-1/2 days in the hospital.  You see they've found thru the CT scan and subsequent MRI's that I have a small tumor in my head, according to the contrast MRI it is benign but I've got to monitor it now.

I asked the doctor what would have brought on the TIA, was it the tumor?  He said no, stress and blood pressure.  My doctor just put me on BP meds, well now I'm on those, low dose aspirin and a cholesterol medication.  My triglycerides were high, the rest of the numbers were great but it was enough to cause me to be on a nightly medication.  This episode has put a lot of things in perspective for me.  I got out of the hospital and 3 days later moved.  I had help moving and they got onto me if I picked up anything too heavy.  Took 2 full days to get all here that needed to be here, but it's done.

The pictures at the top are of my living room.  Can you see why I fell in love with this house?  It's older, but it has character and charm.  Even the girls are very happy with it, and that is fantastic.

I go again to the things being put into perspective.  I've had to will myself to let go of some things, some stress in my life.  Megan called me from Chicago where she spent her spring break with her best friend.  Her best friend was going to go to prom with her, but, well, she's enlisted in the Army and will leave 3 days after prom, down here in So. IL.  Megan called to ask me if I'd be upset if she didn't go.  I almost had a fit, I mean afterall, we spent a small fortune on this dress for her.  But, after I took a deep breath I told her, no, I understand she wants to be there for her best friend the weekend before she leaves.  I could have insisted she go, but why?  She would have been miserable.  I'll post her dress on eBay or a Facebook site and see if I can at  least get half of the cost of an unworn dress back.

I have other stresses that I'm in the process of dealing with, confronting.  I will share as I go through them but I've had a big reality check.  I may have to have surgery if the tumor grows.  I have to really start taking care of me, and not worrying about other things that I can't control anyway.  The Bible continually says do not worry, why do we?  Human nature I suppose.  This is one of my favorite verses to turn to...

Matthew 6:34  Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

My appointment for the  neurosurgeon is tomorrow.  I will not worry, I will not fret, I will not think the worst can happen.  I believe in my heart I will be alright, I believe that I will be healed either Divinely or through God's knowledge in a physician/surgeon.  But I will ask for your prayers through this time.  There may be other changes in my life, but I will share what I can, when I can.  

Until then, I pray for my friends, my family.


Thursday, March 20, 2014

I've been absent a month, a little over a sincerest apologies.  You see, I was learning to dance in the rain.

Have had so many storms in the last several weeks that my first instinct was to wait them out.  Honestly, just the thought of facing everything that was coming at me, being hurled at me to be sure, made me just want to keep holed up in my house, not do a thing.  What was it that shook me out of my depressive tendency???  Scripture, Christian music, and Ravi Zacharias, lol.  

I was driving home from cleaning my daughter's apartment (she and her roommates pitch in and have me clean it as they are so busy with school and work and church, there is no time~they really need to learn how to juggle).  I had on Casting Crowns then decided to switch it to a christian station I like to listen to and Ravi Z was on and his message just woke me up and I felt the weight of the world that had been so heavy on my shoulders, lift away.  It wasn't him, it was HIM.  God used this minister's message and the music of my all time favorite contemporary Christian group to heal my heart, my soul, my life!  

Now I'd been to the Casting Crowns concert just the night before with Ted and his son and his son's friend.  It was an absolutely fantastic concert!  They had For King and Country open for them, WHOA!  Those boys have got so much better, close enough to headline for themselves, and they also had Laura Story perform, a precious young woman who has an amazing testimony of her own.  I left there uplifted but then God really woke me up the next day!  

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.” Jeremiah 17:7-8 ESV

The heat has been on me, we did manage to find a car for Megan, but it has some issues that are going to be pretty pricey to fix.  But, God's blessing in that is I have a fantastic mechanic who is handling it, who does not overcharge and I was able to talk down the price of the car!  Blessing #2,  we found a prom dress, pricier than I had hoped to pay but, well, it's Meg's senior year.  I sent a copy of the receipt to my ex husband and believe it or not, he sent me $200.  He is still not working, nor have I had child support.  

All of these things I had to do really had been getting me down, plus my own feelings of unhappiness over how I felt my relationship with Ted should be going.  But then last Sunday, when God opened my eyes, healed my heart, my feelings, my life, yet again.  I am sure he's thinking ok, she's down, again, let's go fix this mess, lol!  I lifted my voice in praise!  I gave it all, everything, to HIM!  I was still not able to find a decent enough house to live in, but gave that to God too.  I felt peace for the first time in months.

Monday night I posted on Facebook on different groups what I was looking for.  In 15 mins I had 2 women private message me.  The one is the property manager for the owner of a few places, the other a woman living in a place she will be leaving soon.  I took the girls and drove by both places.  We liked the first one, I called the owner, and we met the next day.  He asked where I worked, who I worked for and without making me fill out any paperwork said he liked me, just had a feeling and said it is yours, he even knocked $50 off of the rent!  

It's perfect for us, the girls like it a lot, I am in LOVE with the house.  Picked up the keys today.  We can daily move things so that next weekend the big move won't be as crazy as the last.  I have promised to stay 3 years, that is how long it will take for Alyssa to graduate.  But I'll happily stay there 3 years!

He is always there my friends, no matter how many times we've messed up, let ourselves get downhearted, HE is always there!


Sunday, February 16, 2014


See these beautiful roses?  Two dozen absolutely gorgeous cream and pink roses that Ted completely surprised me beyond belief with.

You have to know the man...he's formed from the mold of the undemonstrative male, keeps his thoughts to himself, shows his feelings for you through actions and deeds, not words, and not flowers.  But this is what he bought me for Valentine's Day.  I actually think I was too surprised to cry, but tears normally put him over the edge anyway, ha!

You know, the enemy likes to play in my mind, makes me think all sorts of things, and knowing my weakness is Ted or my girls, the enemy truly likes to make me think the worst, that I'm out of sight out of mind when he's gone up North to work through the week, I'm just an afterthought.  And believe me the enemy was working overtime this past week!  Well, nothing can be further from the truth.  Truth is that I know this mighty man of God prays for me daily, and just because he doesn't sing me songs of love, declare his undying devotion daily, this does not mean he does not love me.  I've learned the following things after dating this man for four and a half years:

How does an undemonstrative man show you he loves you....

1.  Changes your oil in your car, adds transmission additive to keep it going because he knows you can't afford to replace said vehicle...
2.  Drives 40 miles from his home on his precious weekend time to look at safe and affordable vehicles for you to look over and even talks to the salesperson to strike a deal...
3.  When working at a church camp where boys and girls are kept separate he scans the room to just see where you are, smiles, nods, turns back to what he was doing, but when he doesn't see you sends someone to look to see if all is ok...
4.  Makes your favorite meal that is one of his specialties if you've had a really rough week...
5.  Even though he HATES moving people from one house to another, packs up your things, makes sure all items are secure, moves them and loads them placing them where you want them in the new place, doesn't complain at all, at least not to me, lol...
6.  Prays for me daily, sometimes more than once, especially when I'm in the middle of a parent crisis, a health issue, a church matter that needs dealt with...
7.  When talking to his ex wife about their children (they've been divorced over 2 decades and she and I have become friends) he asks her each time if she's heard from me, how has my day been going because he doesn't want to bother me at work...
8.  Tries to keep anything about his work that is negative or would make me worry about him from me, because he doesn't want me panicking (which I will).
9.  When I'm being unreasonable and a tad bit childish he'll say now you know that's not right, that's your anger talking, but gently and not condescendingly...
10.  Wraps you in a warm hug that leaves you without a doubt that you are precious in his world, but only when you're PDA please!

I know without a doubt that this man loves me, why I let the enemy try to con me that he doesn't is beyond me but my mind can be weak, especially about those I love that much.  

For you my friends that the enemy batters at your mind making you doubt, trust in God that the man He has placed in your life is His choice.  Pray for your husband, your fiance', your boyfriend every single day and constantly keep the man in your life bathed in prayer. 

One of my favorite lines from Fireproof is  "God meant marriage to be for life."  The other is:  "And don't just follow your heart, man; 'cause your heart can be deceived. But you gotta lead your heart."

Blessings my friends,

Sunday, January 26, 2014


I'm really not sure where this is going to go...just felt the urge to be in front of the computer.  

Let me start off with the Chrysalis camp was amazing!  I touched on it the other day but this "Flight" was by far the best one I've ever been involved with.  The "caterpillars" (campers) were all so open to what was going on around them.  I had one small incident where I needed to ask one to put her phone away, she was texting her boyfriend, who was on the boy's side, during talks. The rule used to be no electronics at the camp, period.  They have relaxed it and said they can only use them at the end of the day.  The boy's table leader came to me and told me he'd seen the texts coming from her.  He said he confiscated the boyfriend's phone.  I went to the girl's table leader and told her, she didn't want to take it away, didn't want to mess up the already precarious trust thing that was just starting, so she told the director.  The director said she didn't want to so they asked me to handle it.  I just went up to her on one of the breaks, pulled her far off to the side and told her I was aware that she'd been texting, reminded her that she wasn't supposed to have it.  I gave her the option of putting it in her suitcase or giving it to me but told her if I did see it in her hand during the talks and day that I would have to take it.  She promised to put it away and she even hugged me at the end of the camp, thanking me for being so understanding.  That was the only thing that had to be addressed!  The closing was so touching as the new "Butterflies" gave a testimony one by one, I knew the Holy Spirit was at work, could feel it, but WOW!  I'm building a list of girls I am going to ask to work this summer/fall flight. I'm beginning to get so excited!

Now, as I've mentioned a few weeks ago, when we do the Lord's work the enemy is not happy and will throw all kinds of obstacles in our path.  Guess I've already ticked the devil off because that's just how life goes, my child support is on hold.  My ex husband got hurt, not at work but is off work for 8 to 10 weeks.  He promised to make sure I got support.  I did not get any this week.  That support buys groceries, puts gas in the van, buys the odds and ends the girls need.  We've gone all week with just the food we have here, and that's running very low.  I get a text from him yesterday telling me he won't be sending anything, he "can't" take it out of his checks and that I better hold on to my income tax to use.  He says his wife said she'd help if it came to that.  His wife makes very, very good money, but I don't know their finances.  I asked him to at least send half of what I normally get so I can buy food.  He will no longer respond to any texts, and I will not text him again. I will be calling the State's Attorney that handles my case to find out what can be done.  But I did have to do something that I do not like to do, ask for help.  I know it's pride and we all know what the Bible says about I prayed, humbled myself before God and reached out to some very good friends of mine that live 25 miles away that have a church that has a food pantry.  My sweet friends jumped at the chance to help and will come to me tomorrow with their contribution of food.  

God put this couple in my life through a church that I used to go to and I was helping for their Easter pageant, even though I'd began going to another church.  We struck up an immediate friendship, along with his mother.  We've maintained this friendship for 3 years, I've sponsored his daughter for Chrysalis and while I'm not sure she got as much out of it as others, she did enjoy herself.  He and his wife have prayed me through some tough times with my son.  He is so much like my brother that I just call him my brother from another mother!  God works and weaves us in and out of each others lives, I stand in awe.

People wonder why I won't go to my boyfriend for money or food, he has his own things to deal with and I swore to never use him like that.  We have helped each other in the past, when he's had extra he's bought things for me, when he was in a bind and I had extra, I've helped him.  We keep no record but right now things are tight for both of us.  I have his strength to lean on and his prayers.  I have not yet told him how dire we are right now, he will feel helpless and I won't do that to him.  He is a wonderful man, many have taken advantage of his giving nature.  I will not do that to him.  

We are all God's people, a huge, enormous family.  As Ted has said, he can't wait to get to heaven to see everyone living together, no denominations separated off here and there, just believers, together, worshiping, loving each other.

My faith will not be shaken.  The enemy does his best to test me, make me doubt but I will not give in.  My verse I fall back to is always John 10:10  The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

So that's where this post went.  I unburden myself of these thoughts, these worries.  I will not worry, I will not stress, I leave it ALL in God's hands!

Philippians 4:6-7

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.