Isn't this so very true? While each step may get harder I know the view from the top is going to be utterly amazing!
I'm sitting home on a Saturday night. Why? Well, the "talk" between Ted and I happened last Saturday night and the way it ended up is, we are no longer a couple. Again, I will not go into details on here. He is a good man. I never could hate him, ever. I love him very much actually, but we're not in the same place, and it appears the directions we both want to go are polar opposites so, I had to leave. I pray for him, pray he regains his joy, pray that he finds his place again and God shows him where He wants him to minister to.
Sounds oh so civilized doesn't it? My insides ache, my heart hurts, my mind keeps going over and over on what I could have done differently, better, how did I fail him? But deep down I know it's the enemy again at work trying to make me doubt myself. I know that I loved this man with all I had in me. I also know he loves me, but, well, there are circumstances.
My girls have been fantastic. They hugged me as I cried, made me laugh at their silliness in their effort to make me feel better. My oldest daughter couldn't be here in person but she was an amazing positive influence, a great listener and also had some deep insight. How can a 21 year old be so wise? Four and a half years I have loved this man, and I will love him always, but I know God has this and me.
I feel deep down in my heart that God wants me to use this healing time to dig deeper in His word as He is preparing me for my next step in His ministry. My mom says when you find a new church you'll find a good man....it's as I told her, Mom, I'm not looking for a man at this point. I'm looking to heal, and am getting ready to prepare for my ministry.
Okay, enough of this. News on Mom. She was doing so well, she passed her release test with flying colors. Her release test was to undress on her own, shower by herself, get dressed, brush teeth, do hair and get back to her bed on her own. She passed it with flying colors. My brother got her home on Friday and in 20 minutes she was in the floor in pain, her new hip, it popped out of place! She was rushed back to the hospital and had emergency surgery last night around 10 pm. I am stuck here, as I only have $5 for gas till Wednesday. I have called, she was feeling a little on the crappy side, her throat hurt from being intubated but I'll call her in the morning. So now she has to start from scratch, again. I know my brothers are livid. I'm not so happy with the surgeon myself. We tried to explain to him before her first surgery that the mechanics of her hips and legs are poor on a good day and she would need extra hardware to keep that in place. Apparently he did not listen. I have yet to reach my youngest brother, who was there for the surgery, to find out what the surgeon did this time. I'm praying he put in the heavy duty stuff and reinforced it this time.
My mother is an amazing woman. I know now where I get my strength and determination, it's from that stubborn, pigheaded woman. Please pray with me that this is the last time they have to repair that hip!
Tomorrow is Mother's Day. I'm going to try a new church, the Christian church a house away from me. After that I'll come home and make dinner but that's all I'm doing tomorrow! Meg made me a cake, a strawberry soda cake. it looks absolutely delicious but we're waiting until Rachel gets here from work tomorrow evening. I'm hoping that her not quite yet fiance' comes with her so we can make it a family affair. I will try very hard not to think of last Mother's Day when I was treated to flowers (to plant) as well as dinner from Ted.
My Chrysalis team roster is about complete. I have 3 spaces left to fill and then I'll be ready to send my team information to the printer. And the waiting to fill is actually waiting for answers. Tomorrow I am going to go through the large plastic tub to make sure I have all of the manuals and books needed for each person. I'm getting so excited about this Flight. As hard as the devil is beating on me God must have some amazing things ready to take place for the "caterpillars" or campers in their lives!!!
I will try in future blogs to be more upbeat and talk about some frugal things I'm working on. I do ask for your prayers though to get me through these trials. My blessings are many, the food assistance card has been such a huge blessing! It's so nice to have food in the house, food to make meals, food to snack on, it's just, wow! I'm making more meals, planning meals, it's great! Ted's sister and mother have been sending me cards, thinking of you, get well soon, thank you for doing things for them. These were all sent before we broke up but I have talked to his sister and we agreed that we are still friends, no matter what. I did send his mom a Mother's Day card the other day. She's a sweet and Godly woman, and I care about her very much.
I leave you now with prayers for all who read, and wish you all a very HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
Blessings in Jesus name!